Awake

The following is an actual transcript of a real conversation held between my husband and me at 4:18 a.m. earlier this week as he was preparing to head out of town.

Hubby:  Why are you awake?
Me: Because I woke up.

As if I had chosen to be awake.  As if I had a rational reason.  As if I actually wanted to be awake.  No, no, no, a thousand times no!  At that point, I had already been awake since 3:02 a.m., and by no means did I want to be.  Or even need to be.

I have no idea why my son, my husband, my other son, random house and weather noises, and my bladder feel the need to wake me up at all hours of the early morning, but they do.  {OK, I do know why my bladder needs me to be awake...}  In the middle of the night, they need me to be awake.  Sometimes, I wake up for no discernible reason at all.

And then I can't get back to sleep.  But they, the serial mama-waker-uppers, slip right back into blissful slumber.  Job done: mama woken, they can rest in peace.

It's a curse.  It's a blessing.  It's just the way I am.

A blessing, you say?  How is that a blessing?  Well, yes, a blessing.  Sometimes, God wakes me up, usually so I can pray for someone, but sometimes to encourage me to do something.  God doesn't speak louder in the middle of the night, but it is easier for my imperfect human ears to hear, because there's nothing else for me to do in the still quiet besides listen.

Waking up before I want to, and subsequently staying awake longer than I need to, sometimes makes me cranky, sometimes sets the stage for a day-long headache, but the middle of the night is when God does some of his best work in my heart.

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P.S. Having once again woken before I wanted to, I was typing this post in the early morning with my laptop propped on my knees while lying down in bed.  Not sleeping.  Bubby came in and asked if he could lie in bed with me, and I said sure, but to be careful of my mouse.  My wireless computer mouse.  He thought I had an actual mouse in bed with me!  Funny boy.

P.P.S. Just in case you didn't already know, I have a don't-talk-about-Hubby-being-out-of-town-until-he's-back-in-town policy, so he's already back, safe and sound, waking me in the early hours for no good reason.