Conservation of Mess

No, that's not a type-o up there.

You might have heard of the law of conservation of mass (or matter), which states that in a closed system, the amount of mass (or matter) remains constant regardless of what else occurs in the system.  The mass can move around, and even change form, but the amount of mass remains the same, being neither created nor destroyed.

Today we're going to talk about a similar theory I've developed called the Law of Conservation of Mess.

The Law of Conservation of Mess states that the amount of mess in a house remains constant regardless of what else occurs in the house.  The mess can move around, or even change form, but the amount of mess remains the same, with mess being neither created nor destroyed.

For those of y'all who are sitting there scratching your heads and saying, "wha?!", I'll translate.  It is impossible for more than half of my house to be clean at any one time.  If my bedroom and bathroom are clean, the kitchen is messy.  If the kitchen is clean, the living room is atrocious.  If the living room is clean, the family room and laundry room are hopelessly cluttered.  The mess just moves from place to place and sometimes changes form.

All because of the Law of Conservation of Mess.

Do you need proof?  (I kind of suspect you don't, considering the universal nature of this scientific discovery--you already know it to be true).  Yesterday I spent an hour in the morning straightening up my bedroom.  Yes, an hour.  And in the evening, I spent about 45 minutes straightening up the kitchen.  And then I walked back to my bedroom, and guess what?  My bedroom was messy again. 

There.  Doesn't that make you feel better?  It's not just you--it's a scientific law.

I'm gonna go get ready for my call from the Pulitzer committee.  See ya later.