It was free money.
I wanted to spend it.
It seemed wasteful not to.
Because it was free.
But I have come to a place where not only do I feel like I don't need more, I value less.
I thought about getting a new hand towel to replace our 20ish year-old, frayed and threadbare guest hand towels, and I would have, but they didn't have the color I wanted, and in any case, we have extra hand towels in a color that will work just fine in that space. We can make do.
There were a dozen other possible purchases that I considered, then rejected, because we didn't need it or, if it was something I wanted instead of needing, I didn't want to spend more than the free $5.
This all spirals back around to something that's been seeping in lately. Just because something is free does not mean I need to accept it.
You see, the thing is, that free thing isn't really free. It takes up space in my home, and in my brain. It becomes one more thing to keep track of and take care of. I have enough to deal with. I don't need "free" things plucking at my sanity, destroying my peace. I have enough.
I ended up buying a 6-pack of white washcloths that cost $4.99. I told the cashier to keep the extra penny--the cost of me using it was more than I was willing to pay.
I'm not saying that it's wrong to have stuff or to get new stuff. What I am saying is when I have less (stuff) in my life, I have room for more. More time, more contentment, more ingenuity, more gratitude, more love, more generosity, more peace.
I like that kind of more.
* * * * **To be fair, I did need to kill about an hour of time between dropping something off and picking something else up. If I hadn't been under that constraint, I thing I would have given up much sooner.