Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Gettin' Old

My feet hurt. The bottoms. Isn't that a strange place for feet to hurt? I wondered if it was due to flip flop usage, but I haven't worn flip flops in weeks, and my Dad wears flip flops more than I do, and his feet don't hurt, as far as I know. Just in the past few days my knee has started hurting, too. I briefly wondered if the knee was because of the feet--because I'm walking funny because my feet hurt, but my current favored explanation is that it's a crib injury. That's the knee I use to push in the side of the crib so I can put the side down. Scott's back has been hurting when he gets up in the morning, too. Wanna know what's really wrong with us? We're getting old.

I haven't seen the latest life expectancy estimates, but according to the last one I knew about, I'm getting pretty close to middle age. I know that those of you a generation older than me who are reading this are now snickering, but it's true. My life is about half over. Gone are the days when I bounced. I have unexplained aches and pains. I no longer think that nothing bad is ever going to happen to me, in fact, I'm pretty sure bad things will happen, and I have no doubts as to my mortality.

My brother is even closer to middle age than I am, and he hasn't gone out and purchased a flashy convertible (that I know of), but he does seem to be questioning his direction and purpose in life. Do you ever think about that? For the past several years, I haven't taken the time to figure out my direction. I've been so busy just staying afloat, that I haven't been able to even pick a direction in which to swim. I keep coming back to what the infamous "they" say: if you aim at nothing, you're sure to hit it. Now you could say that raising those precious kidlings is the most important purpose or direction that I could have. And I agree, I really do. I am so very OK, thrilled, even, with being my kids' mom right now. But I'm also starting to think about how to instill direction and purpose in their lives (you're right--that's not up to me), and I think that it's important for me to model this for them...

I am pretty clear on my purpose in life, so I guess I've got that going for me. And I suppose that my purpose goes along quite nicely with my present circumstance. There's a bit of a disconnect there, though. I'm not living and breathing my purpose with every moment, because I allow every day life to get in the way. I suppose that if I can get past that, my direction will become clear as well.

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I have arrived as a blogger. I may even be one of the cool kids now (although I would never be so bold as to add myself to their ranks). Someone has left a comment on my blog, who is not related to me, and with whom I did not spend hours and hours in a moving vehicle. In fact, I'm not sure she even knows exactly who I am. I guess I'll have to introduce myself now that she has some context and may remember me :-)

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We've reached the stage in Caleb's life where we're following him around with the camera, trying to get pictures of him walking. Some of you know what I'm talking about :-) He doesn't do it on command, though. So tomorrow, you may get a video or you may not (I know that you all have Wednesday marked on your calendars now, because it's library/video uploading day).

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