Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Today I Choose...

We are defined by our choices, and today, I choose to seek out and savor moments of grace.  I choose to live in light of eternity; I choose to treat my body like the temple it is. I choose to believe the best of others; I choose to be present with and for my husband and my children. And today I choose to believe that I am enough.

Wow, people, I really dropped the ball on this, my Lent choices.  It has been almost 4 weeks since my last "I choose" post, and, I'm not sure if you noticed, but Lent ended.  Whoops.  I wasn't quite done. 

I'm not sure what happened, other than regular, real life eclipsing my happy little insulated blogosphere.  I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again, that it is not physically possible to do in one day all that I would like to accomplish.  It just isn't.  And when that happens, it becomes necessary to decide which of my to-dos will take priority and which can wait for another day...or week...or maybe another decade. 

I tend to view my inevitable omissions as failures.  When it becomes clear that yet again I will not get around to folding the laundry or cleaning the bathroom, or whatever, the negative self-talk begins, "you're so lazy.  Why can't you ever catch up?  What's wrong with you?  You're worthless."  I say some really mean and nasty things to myself, and the worst part is, I believe it.  I tell try to tell my nasty, mean self that I'm doing the best I can with the time, responsibilities, talents, and gifts I've been given, to which my self snarls, "well, your best is Just. Not. Good. Enough."

I know you're gasping in disbelief right now, because that, what I just typed, is shocking.  Whatever demon it is that insists that I am not good enough will not, will not be quiet.  And so, today, with God's help, I choose to be gentle with myself: to speak kindly to myself.  I choose to forgive myself for my inadequacies, my mistakes, my failures and omissions, my imperfections. 

The other day, a good friend encouraged me with these words: "[do] the best [you] can with God's strength each day, He'll fill in [the] holes."  She is a wise woman, my friend.  And so today, I choose to believe that, not by my power, but through God's grace, I am enough. 
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

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